Spawn's Hell - Jokes - Disturbing Jokes

Disturbing Jokes

Here are some very sick but funny jokes. No I really don't mean to kill babies or think it is funny for real, but these are some morbidly funny jokes.

Q: Whats worse than 10 dead babies in a jar?
A: 1 dead baby in 10 jars.

Q: Whats the difference between a cadillac and a dead baby?
A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.

Q: Whats easier to unload, a truck load of dead babies or a truck load of bowling balls?
A: A truck full of dead babies. You can use a pitch fork.

Q: What's funner than stapling babies to the wall?
A: Ripping them back off!

Q: What's blue and squirms in a corner?
A: A baby with a plastic bag.

Q: What's green and sits in a corner?
A: Same baby, 2 weeks later.

Q: What's red and scratches at the glass?
A: A baby in a microwave.

Q: What's 12 inches long, has a blue head and makes women scream?
A: Crib Death.

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Take your foot off its head.

Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds?
A: Dead baby in a carousel microwave!
(works best if told while in a swivel chair)

Q: What's blue and knocks on glass?
A: A baby in a fishtank

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman on a children's playground!

Q: How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl?
A: Use a blender

Q: How do you get it out?
A: Doritos

Q: What's this? (hold arms out and shake them)
A: A live one.

Q: How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
A: Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.

Q: What is worse than that?
A: At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way out

Q: What is worse than that?
A: It made it

Q: What is worse than that?
A: It went back for seconds!

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with.

Q: What's better than tying babies to your bumper and crashing?
A: Tying them to your tires and skidding.

Q: How do you spoil a baby?
A: Leave it out in the sun.


A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense 12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.

Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy ....

SUDDENLY the nurse THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times and THROWS it against the wall....

Well, just bewildered, the woman gives out a loud SHREEEK and hollers MY GOD ..... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY ??????

The Nurse chuckles a little to herself 'April Fools', she says... He was ALREADY DEAD !!!!!!!!!!

or

A woman is lying in her hospital bed after an intense 12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.

When the baby is born, the nurse looks at the mother and says with a sad voice I am sorry, but your baby is stillborn.

MAD with sorrow the mother THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times and THROWS it against the wall....

The Nurse chuckles a little to herself 'April Fools', she says... He wasn't DEAD !!!!!!!!!!


Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below.

FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you.
LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here.
FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him.
LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby.

Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn."

JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living.

Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby.


Two guys on a bench are looking at people who walk by. A teen mother and her toddler pass them. The first guy says "Whew, teen mothers these days... but I guess if there's grass on the field, its time to play ball." The second guy says "Nah, if they're old enough to crawl, they're in the right position."

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